Santa Claus “Naughty/Nice” Lists Released by Wikileaks

The “Naughty vs Nice” files maintained by Santa Claus ahead of his annual Christmas gift-giving flight around the globe are the latest documents released by self-proclaimed “whistleblower,” Wikileaks.

The file is divided into a “naughty list,” for children who misbehaved or treated people badly, who are therefore less deserving of presents; and a “nice list,” which includes an inventory of gifts for children whose actions fall under the rubric of “good.”

The confidentiality of the file is considered vital to a Christmas season filled with joy, surprises and holiday cheer. 

Santa Claus – known in some countries as Father Christmas, Kris Kringle or St. Nicholas– reacted with fury at the leak.

“That’s it. Assange is on the permanent ‘naughty’ list,” he fumed from his North Pole workshop.  “No more Swedish women for him!”

In one key entry, Santa is revealed to have written “very deserving,” next to a letter to “S. Clause,” written by a 7 year-old boy from Denver, who requested a sled for Christmas. In a special notation section, Claus is revealed to have written, “Worked very hard on spelling.”

In another, however, a 12 year-old girl’s request for an I-Touch will go unanswered.  “Mean to girls in the hallway at school,” says the special notation.

None of the children’s names were redacted by Wikileaks, leading to concerns the children will be singled out for mockery in schools already fearful of bullying, both in person and online.

The Huffington Post has chosen not to publish these names to protect the children’s privacy.

“It’s wrong to say that we ‘targeted’ Claus,” said Wikileaks founder Julian Assange, contacted while in hiding. “His organization, which is really more of a Christmas-cabal, has a virtual monopoly on flying reindeer and skilled-elves, and deploys what appears to be an entirely arbitrary system for categorizing the world’s children.”

“It’s that type of secrecy we think is important to unveil to the public eye,” Assange said.
 
Claus – the jolly, old fat man, typically seen wearing a red suit – works all year in preparation for the evening of December 24th, in which he brings gifts to children the world over.  His North Pole residence is also home to more than a dozen flying reindeer, and scores of elves – whose work ranges from crafting toys to helping maintain the “Naughty vs. Nice” list.
 
“We think the file was exploited when we updated from dusty, old ledger books to a Windows-based server system,” said Alabaster Snowball, the elf in charge of administering the system.

“But if we can’t do our work with absolute confidentiality, then why would children even wake up early on Christmas to find out what they received?”

Disappointment by children around the world has many elves fearful of a “milk and cookies backlash.” With lowered anticipation, elves are concerned that fewer kids will leave holiday treats for Claus.

“Those cookies represent the carb-and-sugar load he needs to get through the night,” Snowball said.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mp-nunan/santa-claus-naughtynice-l_b_792506.html

The Wikileaks Diplomacy Leaks: High School Never Ends

What was the most compelling aspect of Wikileaks’ release of 220 US diplomatic cables - the latest move by the online whistle-blower to - well, whistle-blow - about anything it can get its hands on? Because hey - information wants to be free, national security and diplomacy be damned?

It wasn’t that North Korea aided Iran in acquiring technology for medium range ballistic missiles; and it wasn’t that the US knows Ahmed Wali Karzai is a narco-trafficking thug.

It was that in global politics, the US plays the part of the “Gossip Girl” Alpha-Female - and that high school never really ends.

Reading Wikileaks, in fact, is like listening to one side of a teenage girl’s cellphone conversation. A little something like this:

I know - it’s such a total drag, but really, we just have to close Guantanamo - holding terror detainees in violation of the Geneva Conventions is just so 2001! Who can we get to take these people off our hands?

[Pause.]

Couldn’t we, like, get Belgium to do it? [Pause.] Seriously. Here’s how we say it: Taking more Guantanamo prisoners represents “a low-cost way for Belgium to attain prominence in Europe.” ‘Cause being the capital of the European Union just isn’t as cool as they thought it would be, right? So we can just tell them, This. Is. Cool.

But we need one more, ‘cause Belgium’s not going to buy it if we make them take everyone. [Pause.] How about Slovenia? No one’s ever heard of them! Just tell them - tell them if they take some Guantanamo people, we’ll invite them to sit with us at the cool table. But Obama’s only going to do it once.

[Pause.]

OHMYGOD. Don’t get me started on Qaddafi! That Ukrainian nurse? [Pause.] Is she really going out with him? Are you kidding? That is totally about the money. [Pause.] I know, but living in like, a Libyan palace, has got to be better than the Ukraine.

And have you heard? Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi and Russian PM Vladimir Putin are totally like BFF’s! They hang out all the time! I know Putin’s not supposed to be in charge anymore but really - he’s like Batman, and President Medvedev is totally Robin. [Pause.] I know he’s supposed to be in charge, but in real life, he is totally Robin.

[Pause.]

Hang on. I have another call coming in - let me look. No - OK, nevermind. It’s just Pakistan. I know. We give them like half a billion dollars for the floods, and every once in a while, I’m like, Guard your nuclear arsenal! And then they get all huffy about it.

Wait. Oh. I have to take this, this time - it’s Saudi Arabia. They’re like, totally pissed off that Iran found out how bad they don’t really like them.

[Pause.]

No - seriously. They never said anything, because they’re almost neighbors, but the Saudis told us to get rid of the Iranian nukes. [Pause.] Yes, way! They said, ‘Cut off the snake’s head!’ And then they’d get to act all mad, like, Oh, you’ve violated the sovereignty of our Muslim brothers! And really, I don’t know why they think we’re just going to do everything they say. They act like we don’t know they’re still funding al-Qaeda! It pisses me off sometimes. But it’s still ringing, so I have to go.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mp-nunan/the-wikileaks-diplomacy-l_b_789336.html

Fashion Celebrates the UN General Assembly

It’s that time of year again — when Manhattan bears witness to the expression of the highest aspirations for global harmony and the most inspirational ideas for the advancement of humankind. Yes, Fashion Week - followed quickly by the United Nations General Assembly!

While one event captures the world’s attention for its political intrigue, backroom negotiating, nail-biting suspense and life-altering drama, the other is the UN General Assembly. So let’s take a look at it from a fashion perspective.

US President Barack Obama is scheduled to speak Thursday. His sartorial choices almost always lean towards Brooks Brothers, except for one “Weatherproof” jacket he wore simultaneously on the Great Wall of China and three stories high in Times Square.

With off-the-rack and angry voters confronting him at town-hall meetings, the president may very well wish he could be two places at once, and the General Assembly may give him the room he needs for some soaring bespoke rhetoric, reaffirming American leadership in these, our troubled times. It beats thinking about the mid-terms.

But overall, Barack - from the fashion point of view, where’s the hope and change? The fashionista to watch here is First Lady Michelle Obama, who aims for simple elegance with the not-so-haute couture of J Crew - which may still be too high-falutin’ for the Tea Party crowd. Attention K-Mart shoppers!

Another member of the US delegation strutting the catwalk of power is former First Lady and current Secretary of State Hillary Clinton - whose straightforward pantsuits and skirt and jacket ensembles are nearly always in primary colors! (Seriously.) Maybe that’s why Hillary hasn’t entirely eluded her past just yet.

But with Iran inching toward becoming a nuclear power, Iraq without a government, and trouble-spots from Haiti to Yemen needing attention, are pantsuits the image the US needs to project around the world? Remember when Condoleezza Rice made headlines with the leather boots she donned shortly after taking the same job, in a look that said dominatrix-meets-war-on-terror? Even President Clinton’s Secretary of State, Madeleine Albright celebrated fashion by jabbing back at Iraqi President Saddam Hussein - who had called her a “serpent” - by donning a golden snake brooch.

C’mon, Hil! The “Hillary Doctrine” may be about the “American moment” and the pantsuits of pragmatic internationalism. But mix things up a bit. This year’s asymmetrical hemlines say unpredictability! Keep al-Qaeda on its toes!

Of course, one of the most-watched world leaders to make their way into the General Assembly Thursday is Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. He dressed in business-casual on Monday, with a tie-less suit at the Millennium Development Goals summit - in which he declared capitalism dead. Hey Mahmoud! Karl Marx called and he wants his manifesto back!

But all eyes will be on Ahmadinejad on Thursday for his address to the General Assembly. Will he stick with business casual, or go with the “Members Only” jacket - the look he’s sported so frequently since the brand premiered in 1981? That happens to be the same year the US embassy staffers held hostage in Tehran were released after 444 days of captivity - a siege in which Ahmadinejad allegedly took part!

Ahmadinejad will likely be dressing for sanctions-blocking success, as he maneuvers to
consolidate Iran’s power in the Middle East with nuclear weapons technology. Is Ahmadinejad’s jacket of choice a sly reference to his push for Iran to join the world’s “members only” nuclear club? Will he be so bold as to block future UN weapons inspectors from the country, like he did in June? That line of thinking is so 2002, Mahmoud! And it didn’t work for Saddam!

But let’s not ignore some of the lesser pariah states.

Shifting slightly from fashion to personal styling, another favorite to watch is Zimbabwe’s dictat - excuse me, President Robert Mugabe.

Taking Zimbabwe from Africa’s brightest hope to international basket-case during his 30 years of iron-fisted rule, Mugabe at least has the decency to be the only world leader to sport a Hitler-like moustache! It’s a look that truly says, “Only God can remove me from power.”

Last but not least, a plea for a fashion intervention for Great Britain. The Brits’ coalition government features, of course, David Cameron as Prime Minister, and Nick Clegg as his deputy. Sure, their dress-sense says “10 Downing Street,” but they’re both the blandest looking white people, you probably have to be British to tell them apart. They’re the “Lands End” of global politics. Really, Great Britain, if you want to move on from the Tony Blair “lapdog” era of British power, isn’t it time to break some fashion rules? Maybe Ahmadinejad can loan you some jackets.

Naomi and Wyclef - A Celebrity Week in Foreign Affairs

The stars must be aligned strangely in the heavens this week, because it’s the stars who are dominating foreign policy news. Stars - or at least some celebrities and a super-model.

But it’s not a pretty sight.

Naomi Campbell has been compelled to testify at the Special Court for Sierra Leone at the Hague. Prosecutors hope to link alleged war-criminal and former Liberian President Charles Taylor with the illegal diamond trade - by literally tracing the path of illicit gems from his commanders’ hands into those of a manicured model.

While Campbell testified that she didn’t know the “dirty” and unimpressive un-cut diamonds she received in the dead of night after a 1997 dinner party hosted by Nelson Mandela were from Charles Taylor - others disagree.

This includes her former agent, Carole White and fellow dinner-party guest Mia Farrow, who testified that Campbell was “mildly flirtatious” with Charles Taylor - and spent the night text-messaging about, and giddily awaiting, delivery of the stones from his underlings - whom prosecutors allege were rebel commanders.

Campbell says she “planned” to give the diamonds to the Nelson Mandela Children’s Fund, which the dinner was intended to benefit.

But how can we be sure?

Subpoena the housekeeper, I say! In 2006, Campbell was arrested for throwing a “jewel encrusted” cellphone at her housekeeper. Only the housekeeper can confirm if the gash on her head requiring stitches was caused by diamonds. And if they weren’t blood diamonds before, they sure as hell were after!

And while we’re at it, what was up with that guest list, Nelson Mandela? You invited former Liberian President Charles Taylor - war criminal - to a dinner, intended to benefit your Children’s Fund? What was that about?

As a rebel leader, Charles Taylor was renowned for the recruitment of child soldiers and the wholesale slaughter of civilians in Liberia’s civil war, which had spilled into neighboring Sierra Leone - for control of the diamond trade - in 1991.

So really, the dinner was about selling out Sierra Leonean kids for South African ones?

You, sir, got out of jail in early 1990. I know you had a country to fix - but virtually the entire time since you were released from prison - up to and beyond that 1997 dinner party - Charles Taylor was a murderous thug. No excuse for not knowing!

As for Mia Farrow? Well, we’ll let that one slide.

On the other side of the world, pop-star Wyclef Jean from “The Fugees” has announced his candidacy for the presidency of Haiti - for which his only qualifications appear to be that he’s written a song called “If I Was President” - in which he predicts his own assassination.

If I was President, I’d get elected on Friday, Assassinated on Saturday, Buried on Sunday, Then go back to work on Monday.

At least that’s a more lyrical refrain than, “If I was president, I’d compel donors to follow through on pledges of $5.3 billion in funds following the January earthquake, not only to rebuild shattered physical infrastructure, but to revitalize a government that was so riven by factional fighting that it required the presence of UN peacekeepers for the last 16 years in an effort to stop gang-warfare, glutinous corruption, and the wholesale destruction of the environment; while enacting a series of effective policy initiatives to alleviate poverty, stimulate the economy and push for the lifting of restrictions with trading partners like the US - saving Haiti from continued existence as a failed state and the poorest in the Western hemisphere.”

(Or how about: If I was president, I’d learn the subjunctive.)

Now, that’s a tall order for anyone - even Bill Clinton, the UN’s special envoy. And another self-appointed savior of Haiti, actor Sean Penn, and fellow “Fugee” Prakazrel Michel, don’t think Wyclef’s got it in him.

Psssst! They’re not alone.

Bizarrely enough, “If I Was President” includes a warning that “it’s not all that’s bling that’s diamond/ Most of y’all wear cubic zirconia.”

Maybe that’s a hidden lesson for Naomi Campbell. As those “dirty stones” suggest, it’s not all that’s diamond that’s bling. And she probably should have stuck to cubic zirconia - it doesn’t land you in the Hague.

WikiLeaks: Sex and the City Edition – Another Failed US Foray into the Middle East

A trove of more than 90 thousand documents released by the self-proclaimed whistle-blower WikiLeaks offers a grim picture of the latest US foray into the Middle East – one that senior White House officials knew would likely end in failure:  Sex and the City 2.

The documents — some 92,000 reports spanning parts of two administrations from June 1998 through May 2010 — illustrate in mosaic detail why, after the successful 2004 completion of the popular television series, producers refused to give up on the Sex and the City franchise even while opposition to it increased exponentially with the 2008 release of the first Sex and the City movie.

Sex and the City 2, released in May 2010, brings to the screen the now familiar gal-pals, Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda, who are flown on an all-expenses paid trip to Abu Dhabi by an Arab sheikh.  Culture clashes ensue.

“Frankly, since the movie was already a critical failure back in May, we thought we dodged a bullet,” said a senior administration official, speaking on the condition of anonymity due to the sensitive nature of the subject. “The fact that WikiLeaks released these documents means someone simply wants to embarrass Warner Brothers, HBO, and the White House.”

The reports — some spare summaries and others more detailed narratives — shed light on some elements of the Sex and the  City 2 production that pointed toward almost certain failure:

• Grossly oversimplified stereotypes would be inflicted upon civilians not just in US movie theaters, but around the world.

“The bitch, the slut, the princess, and the everywoman – forming a circle of friendship unlikely to sustain itself in real life -– these are stereotypes that might have had some traction in the late 90’s, but are long since past their sell-by date,” said one report.

• Those stereotypes would only be amplified in a Middle Eastern setting.

“Of course they have to ride camels,” said one classified document.  “Of course most Muslim men are portrayed as thugs, while Muslim women are all simply closeted Manhattanites.”

• Obscene displays of conspicuous consumption far outweighed concerns related to narrative flow, plot development and character growth.

“This is what happens when power is taken out of the hands of the American movie-goer and put into the hands of those who benefit from product placement,” said another secret document.   “It’s the rise of the fashion-industrial complex.”

The hugely popular Sex and the City television series starred Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon, Kristin Davis and Kim Cattrall -  all hailed for their portrayals of modern women in a post-feminist landscape.

The series, which ran from 1998 until 2004, was nominated for 50 Emmy awards, winning seven times.   The Sex and the City movie, released in 2008 – and focusing on the married lives of the characters -  faced lackluster reviews.

While not directly involved in the production of Sex and the City 2, White House spokesman Robert Gibbs says President Obama “is owning up to the responsibility” of what the US “foisted” upon its allies, the emirate of Abu Dhabi (UAE), where major segments of the film are set, and Morocco – where the movie was actually shot.

“These documents simply highlight what the President has been saying since the campaign,” Mr. Gibbs said in a White House briefing. “Not every superhero, not every theme park ride, and not every tv series needs to be made into a film  – or a sequel.”

‘Twas the Week Before New Year’s

By MP NUNAN

‘Twas the week before New Year’s

And all ‘cross the globe,

It was time to review the

The news that was told.

The year started brightly on 20th Jan

For a new pres to realize his pledge: Yes, we can!

Across the sea, the news was not always so bright.

Wild fires in Australia burnt into the night.

There was mayhem in Bangkok in shirts red and yellow!

All ’cause of Thaksin – what a scandalous fellow!

Oil tankers were hit by pirates at sea!

Plunder’s Somalia’s growth industry!

When out in Sri Lanka there arose such a clatter!  

Prabhakaran’s dead – the Tamil Tigers were shattered!

Iran’s students used Twitter, their regime to rebuke. 

Ahmadinejad carried on with his covert nukes.

In June, the world shook with one giant gasp! 

Michael Jackson, King of Pop, had suddenly passed.

US troops in Iraq may finally recede

Having been sent in to find fake WMD.

Letterman and Tiger – there’s sex in the headlines!

But Polanski’s the one to face serious jail time! 

There was never a shortage of  dumb tabloid chatter.

Jon and Kate and Balloon Boy  – as if these things matter.

But my favorite fun story continues to be

The insane UN speech by M Qaddafi!

Obama won the Nobel for speeches that soar

While he also ramped up the Afghanistan war!

(The Prez has a long list of wins not yet won.

What the hell did you do to my public option?)

The world’s still a mess, with problems to tame  

One final moment to call some by name:

On Pyongyang, on Burma, on Pak – a failed state?

Let’s stop global warming, before it’s too late!

On Zimbabwe, on Mexico, on al-Qaeda terror

Please, won’t you realize your philosophy’s in error?

On Congo, on Israel and Palestine, too

If they ever fix that one – ohmygod – what a coup!

Darfur’s still a nightmare, with a long way to go,

And what about closing Guantanamo?

That’s enough for the moment, I’ll put down my pen –

Except to wish everyone

A peaceful 2010!

Qaddafi Takes Manhattan

By MP NUNAN

For comic relief on the world stage, no one beats Libyan leader Colonel Moammar Qaddafi.

You have to admire the audacity of a leader who calls for the dissolution of Switzerland.

And you have to admire one who travels around with the world with his own Bedouin tent, which he’s been looking to pitch somewhere – anywhere(!) – ahead of the UN General Assembly meeting in New York.

Central Park is out – nixed by the City of New York. Apparently, Joan Rivers had considered hosting the tent, after New Jersey residents successfully lobbied for its prohibition on Libyan consulate grounds, in Englewood.

And you can understand their concern. Lockerbie – and the on-going controversy about the alleged deal-making behind the release of a convicted bomber -  is a lot to get over.

Libya may be creeping back onto the world stage. Not only does Colonel Qaddafi address the UN General Assembly on September 23, but a Libyan official is serving as president of the General Assembly for the next year.

But with just a week before Qaddafi’s arrival, what’s dropped out of the headlines in recent days is whether he found a place to crash. In case he hasn’t – maybe he can post an ad. Maybe something like this: